AJ and a LATTE

I’ve been told we are in the Sandwich Era of our lives. We have a child who isn’t married yet (though coming in August) and parents who need more assistance (a lot more) than they used to. This is a tough place to be. We are sandwiched in the middle trying to navigate no longer parenting our child as actively as we have grown accustomed but having to make decisions with and for our parents in a way we have never imagined. Now, we all have our favorite, go to sandwich….this one is liverwurst! Not my favorite.

The offspring is working on honeymoon for him and my new daughter-in-love (here forward referred to as Offspring+). She is wonderful and is one of the two daughters God promised to bring me so many years ago. We want their trip to be perfect. Here is the kicker…they need to make the reservations so they are aware of all of the facets of the trip. I AM A CONTROL FREAK!!!!! They are moving to a town five and a half hours away. This is the best thing for their marriage. They are going to have to figure things out without meddling mother (me). Between now and the August nuptials, things are a little fluid. I AM A CONTROL FREAK! Their sweet fur baby is living with us (as is the offspring) until the wedding. She shall be referred to lovingly as The Beast. She loves water and mud. I AM A CONTROL FREAK! If it isn’t obvious, I am struggling with the upper slice of bread. It isn’t exactly fitting on my sandwich exactly like I want it to. Going through pictures of all the years for a wedding project, I see all of the times we had together, all of the times I think I probably missed the mark, the knowledge that I should have organized photos along the way (!), and all the things I wish I had done differently. I know I can’t go back and the offspring is the man he is because of how he was raised. I wouldn’t change him. I love him as he is, however, I AM A CONTROL FREAK! I’ve noticed a trend. Luckily Offspring was raised to think for himself and be independent to a fault, so he handles my control issues like a champ. His side of the sandwich will be okay. I just have to trust in the tools we have instilled and be prepared that his loaf of bread is his own. It isn’t exactly the same fit as mine and now he is combining with another and it will fit differently yet again. Children were given to us as a blessing and a definite humbling agent!!!

The other side of the sandwich is tough. My daddy has always been on a pedestal and invincible. I almost lost him in January. My mom has always been just a steady, happy safe place. My brother (who isn’t at all a screw up but I am his big sister so I have always called him an oaf) has always been just a calming force in the storm. Life was not kind at the beginning of 2025, but God was good. Each of the aforementioned roles took a violent shake. Spouses parents’ lives have done the same. Trying to navigate this new season is so hard. The parents’ dignity is the most important thing to preserve but there are decisions that have to be made. Some of them have simple answers but they aren’t the ones our parents prefer. Some are so complex none of us have the wisdom to know the true best answer. We had a great nurse in the hospital who made the comment that daughters shouldn’t have to see their father’s “nuts and butts” until she has to. That goes in a literal sense and in a figurative light. My dad’s pedestal did have to lesson. My mom can be a gale force hurricane. My brother gets rattled just like I do. Decisions are hard. Telling your parent “no” is hard. Being the cheerleader when all you want is comfort is hard. AND I AM A CONTROL FREAK!!!!

Free will is a good thing. It allows us to choose to love our God and follow Him. However, as a parent and an offspring…Freewill is about to kill me! haha Frank Sinatra had it right when he sang he did it his way, however, the loves of my life think they have to have it their way too. People, this is not Burger King!!! Yet I navigate the sandwich. Sometimes that older bread has a little too much crust or a little mold. It has to be trimmed a bit and it isn’t as thick as it used to be. That new bread on the other side is heavier and hearty. It is a balancing act. Meanwhile, I sit in the middle. I love both slices in their independence and try to hold them together by being a stable addition to the sandwich. It really isn’t liverwurst. It is a sweet time with three generations learning how to accept the changes life hurls in their direction. The passing of the torch and the release of the fold. In the blink of an eye, I will be a slice of bread rather than the meat in the middle (right now I feel more like some kind of nut butter! Times I don’t feel real stable and a little nutty!). All I can do is love the time I have them all together. Sandwich generation is hard, especially as a control freak, but it is a time where I walk the path my parents guided me toward and I release my heart to walk his own path with my beloved Offspring+. Sandwiches aren’t so bad…