AJ and a LATTE

Beauty of Boredom

When was the last time you were really bored?  There were things to do, you just didn’t want to do them…  I don’t experience this very often. I even plan my “no-plan-down-time” almost to the minute.  The other day I was bored. I didn’t make a plan and I didn’t have an agenda or to do list. It was absolutely divine!  I took a nap, crocheted, worked on lesson plans for the beginning of school, worked on a professional development presentation I am doing, picked up a bit on the house, colored, watched some tv, ate a snack, reveled in the fact that I had nothing to do….then I was bored. Also, just to put “me” into perspective, this was over the span of about four hours.  

At this point I will pause and overshare a bit.  I have been fighting with my body a bit for about a year. I wake up insanely early and have great energy until early to mid-afternoon.  After that, a fatigue hits that is akin to a six feet wall of concrete mysteriously appearing on a freeway and all of the cars crashing into it at the full force of their 75-80 mph.  At times the fatigue hits so hard it is almost debilitating and I HAVE TO LIE DOWN.  With this in mind, when I wake up I have to hit the ground running because when that wall drops, I have nothing left. It is frustrating, terrifying, infuriating, and every other -ing word one can muster.  I’m never quite sure when the fatigue will hit; I am just assured that when it does, I am down for the count.  Sometimes a nap will help. Sometimes I doze until I go to bed and sleep like I have been running a marathon all day.  I have zero control over my body’s work to fatigue ratio right now. 

Back to the boredom… I looked at the clock, and it was noon.  What would I do with the rest of my day?  Then the mind kicks into play. I have spent my entire life running from one project to the next.  I am the queen of multitasking and working toward efficiency. On this particular day, I had done all I had to do and didn’t want to do anymore, but I still had some time and energy. I did something I have not done in eons. I sat. I was still. I was quiet. (Those who know me well in the back can feel free to stop laughing at the quiet comment!) I just listened. 

Birds chatter all the time. The pterodactyls in my front yard eat constantly. They disguise themselves as regular birds, but I watched them terrorize my dogs in the back yard after exhibiting their gluttony at the bird feeder.  Sometimes God speaks. Sometimes He just sits with me. If I am being obedient, I have peace as I sit with Him. If I am hiding from His will, there is restlessness.  On this day, we just sat. I rocked in my chair and inhaled the beauty of His creation. The day had a lovely, sunshiny hum to it as the wind steadily tickled the leaves. The dogs’ gentle breathing was rhythmic as they napped around my rocking chair on the back porch. I sat. 

Then it hit like a ton of bricks… not the fatigue. The realization that this lovely intimate time with God rocking on my back porch HAD BEEN THE LONGEST 15-20 MINUTES OF MY LIFE! haha  I am not made to be bored!  This time was needed. It was imperative to my realization that I am made to “do.” We all need those quiet times with God! I am not suggesting we never be still.  I continue to love my early-morning time with the Father where He and I commune in the silence.  There are, however, some of us who don’t sit well.  I have talked for the last couple of years about my desire to retire. I have longed for the days when I could be home and do all of the projects I have stacked and hidden in boxes. Yes, I still long for this glorious day. With that said, I am not made to be bored. My mom says one gets used to it.  I’m not sure that is true. I’m a go-getter, a doer, a get-things-done-r (that is totally a made up aj-ism).  I realized that I am not finished. I may not teach forever. I would love, love, love to be a speaker, presenter, author. I would so enjoy filling up my calendar with events where I could share and be paid to talk!!!  Until then, however, I am meant to be exactly where I am. I am designed to have some time to do my domestic projects, but I am also designed to keep moving.  It took sitting to realize that my dream of sitting is not really my dream at all.

The beauty of my boredom on this day was a revelation. I can have down-time to do my “want-to’s” but I am still hungry to move and create. I am still starving to share and build. My projects still need to be my projects, not my career.  Today, on this rainy Monday morning, I look at my day. We are going to the funeral of a dear friend. I have a project I am going to work on when we return home. I have lesson plans already running through my head. I am working on my PD even as I write this morning. I am excited about what the day will hold. I am even excited about the boredom if it strikes because it spoke to me. HE spoke to me.  When the fatigue hits, I will have to give to it for now. I will continue to fight and search for the perfect solution. But as long as I am able to be awake, I want to milk those moments…all of them. The beauty of my boredom made me realize I love where I am and where I am going.

When was the last time you were really bored? I highly recommend giving it a try. There is no limit to what you may find. You may find that you are a good sitter. You may love the time and eke out as much of it as you can find. You may find you are not a good sitter at all.  We live in such a fast paced world that those times of nothingness are so few and far between. Perhaps a little boredom would give us all some much needed clarity.

Until Next Time….